Epilepsy Update

I scrolled through my posts this afternoon and clicked on Here we go again. I'm so glad I took the time to write all of that down. Those feelings and fears have somewhat faded. I don't flash to his tonic-clonic seizure when I sweep that part of the kitchen or put shoes in their cubby anymore. I leave him home now without too much thought. The thought is always, always there, but I pray every day to help keep him safe and allow him as much normal as possible at the same time. However, reading through it all brought me right back to that moment and reminded me of the emotional journey we've been all been on. That truly was just the beginning and I decided to take a minute and give a little update.

I'm happy to report Kaleb has not had any seizures since that night. He is just over eight months seizure free. I used to count the time Kaleb was seizure free as if it meant something. I felt the longer he went without a seizure, the chance of having another one went down. I learned the hard way that wasn't necessarily the case. Kaleb had been four years seizure free (two off meds). I thought he'd outgrown them. I thought we had gone through the seizure woods and stepped into the seizure-free-for-life sunshine. I was wrong. At one of our neuro appointments, our doctor told us that when it is someone's time to have a seizure they will have a seizure. To make matters worse, we never know if the meds worked and stopped working and a seizure occurred or if the meds never worked and it just wasn't that person's time to have a seizure. How am I supposed to wrap my head around that piece of information? I'm not sure I ever will. But, for now, he is seizure free and I'm grateful for that. He's driving again and living a normal life. I am terrified. Not gonna lie.

The road to now has not been easy. The meds the ER started Kaleb on is called Keppra. If you are in the epilepsy world at all, you've probably heard the term Keppra Rage. Our neurologist described it as an emotion magnifier. It took everything he was feeling and poured gasoline on it. He was hurting so much. It was heartbreaking and so very difficult for everyone. I won't go into details of that time here. It isn't really a place I want to revisit. However, I don't want to forget it either. It was such a difficult, dark time and some days I wasn't sure how we were all going to get through it. It. was. hard. But you know what? We made it through. We walked through it and I think we are all better for it. We spoke with our neurologist about changing his meds and began the switch. However, it ended up being a two-month process. You can't just stop one and start another. Slowly the rage left and he worked through what he was going through without the extra emotional fuel. He also reconnected with his birthmom during that time and I think it brought him a peace he really needed. That's an entirely different post that I most likely won't share--it's his story to tell.

Kaleb had six-month check with his neuro this week. I had six months worth of questions and one was if these new seizures were related to his first diagnosis or completely different. (He was diagnosed with childhood-onset absence seizures and in Feb 2018 he had partial complex and a tonic-clonic). He said Kaleb was just unlucky because most don't have both. That sucks. I'm really not complaining, though. So many live with uncontrolled seizures and deal with so much more. I keep you all in my prayers, by the way. I truly do. You fight the battle every single day and night. We call you warriors for a reason.

So, in our home, we live like epilepsy isn't hanging out in the closet, waiting for a moment to strike. We set alarms to help remember to take meds and send texts threatening to call 911 if he doesn't respond. Seriously, kid. You need to respond! ;) We make plans to go to the beach and spend hours attempting to figure out geometry while we countdown to the end of high school math! We watch for signs, hug our children tight, and pray our epilepsy guest stays comfortable in the closet.

Sneak Peek

I haven't written in a while. Part of it is a bit of writer's block--I'm not exactly sure where I want the story to go--and part of it is the fact that I can't seem to get out of my own head. Those voices that rear up when we put a piece of ourselves out there are screaming and I lately haven't been able to tune them out. What those voices are hollering about shouldn't matter. Writing is therapeutic for me. I'd do it even if no one ever read it, but those closest to me see a potential in me I'm afraid I won't ever achieve. Those voices.

I do not have a grand resume in author terms (Ok, any terms!). I almost finished my bachelor degree in Elementary Ed but stopped when we adopted our son. I always assumed I'd go back...and I will. It's just taken much longer than I'd imagined. However, in two years when I do get back, I'm going to ditch Elementary Ed and go for something in the English world. Something that will help that resume of mine and hopefully make me a better writer. It certainly can't hurt, right?

I absolutely do not regret my life decisions. I look at my kids and even though they beg to be left in the after-school program at school, eye roll, I know they would miss me. I know they needed me present in their lives just like I know I need to write. It should be obvious, but I'll say it just in case--  if you chose differently that doesn't make either of us wrong. If your kids thrive in that after-school program and you held on to that career just as hard as you hold on to those babes, kudos. I am grateful life has taught me the grand notion of to each their own. I truly mean that. I know that what is right for me may not be right for you and that doesn't mean anything other than our choices needed to be different. I'm glad I stayed home but sometimes I do feel so far behind in the race. Those voices.

I pushed through those voices today and pulled up my latest project while I sat in the car rider line in front of the school. I scrolled to the top and began to read and guess what? I liked it. It is not perfect, but it is GOOD. I would read it! Ha! And with that thought, the voices were a little harder to hear. Before long, the line was moving and I was scrambling to get my seat where I could reach the peddles because goodness knows that car behind me won't wait long. The car rider line is serious business! As I tucked my laptop on the seat next to me, I marveled at how quickly time flies when I write. Seriously! I've begun writing and not realized darkness settled around me with the setting of the sun until I look up from my screen and find the room pitch black illuminated by only my screen. I truly hope I'm always surprised at how quickly time passes when I write. And those voices? Well, they are completely gone when I'm lost in the story...lost in time.

And, if you're still reading, I'd like to share the preface of my next novel. I THINK it will be called THE LAST OF THE DRAGON KEEPERS, but I reserve the right to change that name! Hope you enjoy.

*****

She slipped through the large battered door quickly, closing it behind her. She fumbled with the reluctant latch, eventually securing it in place. The room was dim, lit by only one candle. The scent of hay and the chicken she’d cooked earlier for dinner hung in the air. She leaned against the door while her eyes adjusted to the low light. She couldn’t see him, but she knew he must be there. She hadn’t expected him to be back so early. Her heart sank.

“Well?” His voice boomed through the silent room, startling her.

“We lost her,” she said quietly, head down. She knew what this meant. 

The man stepped from the shadows across the room and flipped the small table in the center of the meager space, causing the remains of her modest dinner to clatter across the floor. She jumped involuntarily. The solitary candle that sat on a small table next to her bed flickered and went out. Darkness wrapped around her. It didn’t matter. She focused on a tingling within her chest. Her senses immediately heightened. She didn’t need light to see the remnants of her dinner scattered on the floor or the upturned table now laying on its side, one leg broken. She didn’t need light to see him. She didn’t know what else to do, so she immediately began picking up the mess.

“Leave it,” the man said. The fire once in his tone settled into resignation. He stepped toward her and rested his hand under her chin. She reluctantly gave in to his gentle tug and stood. He brushed the tiny stray curls of hair that had refused to stay in her braid off her forehead. She let out the breath she was holding and melted into his arms. “It will be okay,” he whispered near her ear.

“How?” she asked as tears streamed down her face. “The Emperor won’t listen. He refuses to stop using the dragons as weapons, but I thought we could at least convince him to let them rest.” She lifted her head from his chest and wiped her face with the backs of her hands. “He will not acknowledge the dragons’ connections. When one is in battle, they all may as well be. How can he not see that?” Anger burned through her. She wiggled out of her husband’s arms and turned her back to him. “They are all going to die! If not from war, then from a broken heart!” 

He stepped around a chipped bowl and rested his hands on her shoulders. “I will not let that happen.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. With her back pressed against him, she could feel the beating of his heart. “What about her babies? Are you going to be able to save them?” he asked.

She turned and faced him. “She protected her eggs until the very last moment.” She shook her head and choked down her emotions. “There are six. If we can keep them from the devastation their family members are feeling they should survive.” She ran a hand across her face. “I’ve successfully hatched dragons before, but never under these circumstances. She lifted her eyes to her husband’s. He looked so tired. She rested a hand on his cheek, fingering his thick beard. It had begun to turn gray these past months. This war was taking its toll on them all. “And your travels—I’m surprised you are back so soon. How many are left?” She held her breath not sure she wanted to know the answer.

“Four,” he said grimly. 

“Four! Only four Keeper families remain?” He nodded. She pushed away from him and began to pace. “That’s six down from only a month and a half ago. At this rate— ” She stopped pacing and rested her hand on her bulging belly. He stepped toward her and placed his hand on top of hers. He bent and kissed where his child grew. Normally, when he did this, she would ask him to use his Keeper senses to see how the baby was doing. She could and did so herself, but his extra assurance kept her worry at bay. At this moment, however, her mind spun so fast she couldn’t keep up. “What—how are we…” she stammered.
He stepped in front of her and clasped his hands around her face. “We, my darling, are getting out. All of us. We are taking the dragons and running. Tonight.”

In Case You Forgot...

It's done! The Ordinary is .99 for a limited time! Perfect time to give it a try. I'd love to hear what you think! 

And, in case you forgot...

NOW IS THE TIME

Have I mentioned before that I'm a Southern transplant? I am. I grew up in the desert where hot is hot and humidity isn't a factor in anything. Well, except the rainforest exhibits in the Zoo and the Aquarium.  If you would have told the six-year-old me that I'd basically live in the Zoo rainforest I would have kicked you in the shin and ran. But, big sigh, I am here and I am trying my best to bloom where I'm planted.

However, it's August and summer has been brutal. I'm so ready for the temps to drop and take the humidity with it (like that ever happens but whatever!). So, I'm doing what any logical southern transplant would do, and I'm trying to send mother nature some subliminal messages by dropping everything I can think of. That includes the EBOOK price of THE ORDINARY! If you've been waiting for a good time to try out the series, this is it. Next week, probably 8/29 or 8/30, the price will drop from $2.99 to .99 for a limited time. There is a handy-dandy link on the right that will take you to Amazon where you can purchase it. I'll post here when the price has for sure dropped!

And, just for fun, the photos below inspired a scene in THE TIME BETWEEN.

Can you guess which one? 

Comment below! Happy Friday!!

Facelift

I gave The Ordinary a tiny facelift. 

I really love it. I changed the font. It doesn't look like a horror book now. I actually never thought of it as a horror-looking book, but my teenager sure did. After he mentioned it did, that's all I could see. I was hesitant to change it since copies had been sold, but I decided it was time. What do you think?

I also added a sneak peek of THE HEIR at the end of the ebook version. I may include it in the paperback version as well. Do authors do that in paperback? I'm having a hard time remembering now that I mainly read ebook!

The Time Between UPDATE

I've been neglecting the blog! I feel like I've had a newborn in the house demanding all my attention. Instead of bottles and diapers, I've been up to my ears in edits and decisions. It's not really demanding to give attention to a newborn...sign me up for the sleepy little bundle on my chest. Yes, please. The decisions and editing didn't really feel demanding to me either. Putting the final touches on a cover I so painstakingly worried over for MONTHS...yes please! Crying while reading my own book...um yes again! See the pic above? Tears! It's been so fun and rewarding to feel it all come together. AND I cannot tell you how excited I am for all of you to have it in your hot little hands. Please comment here, message me, send a pigeon carrier, whatever, and let me know what you think. I can't wait to hear from you!

I've been editing like crazy wondering why I gave myself a deadline. And then I hear from a reader telling me they cannot wait to read it and wondering if I knew when it would be out yet and I remember why. I've had to get creative juggling my sweet family and editing. Good times!

Did you know my husband is a budding artist? He began to really draw (he's doodled his entire life!) a few years ago and it's been so fun to watch him grow his talent. He drew the above picture and it can be found in The Time Between! It looks so great. It wasn't easy getting it there though! Here's what it would look like in my document. Great, right!

Here's how it would look when it uploaded to kindle. What?

I'm almost ashamed to say how long it took me to fix. But, eventually I got it! Ta-da!

I discovered Chik-fil-a was my favorite place to edit. It feels like winter in there!  I couldn't feel my toes by the time I left. It was awesome!

My husband not only took the kids countless times so I could edit, but he brought me home flowers too. Love him!

If you follow me on facebook or instagram you know I agonized over the cover for The Time Between. 

I was so relieved when my proof copy came and I LOVED it! It was all I had hoped it would be.  

 

It soon disappeared, though.

This is where I found it! My twelve year old had swiped it. She finished it in a day and a half. It doesn't get better than that! Although, there was one point where she threatened to stop speaking to me. Ha!

The Time Between is now out and available in paperback or ebook! For some reason, it won't let me link it here yet, but I will as soon as it's available. In the meantime, you can search The Time Between Karen Richardson on Amazon or click The Ordinary or The Heir links on the right side of the blog. Once it takes you to Amazon you can click on my name and find it. If you're still having trouble after all that, comment and I'll see what I can do.

And lastly, THANK YOU, and HAPPY READING!

First Chapter: The Heir

THE HEIR

Book Two in The Ordinary Series

Chapter 1

      The bed shifted slightly, gently nudging me awake. Not ready to let go of the night, I brought my knees up curling my body a little tighter and tucked the pillow further under my head. I could hear Jordan’s heavy, rhythmic breathing next to me. I smiled. I felt safe and completely content. 

A cool breeze floated across the room whisking my hair. Eyes still closed, I brushed the hair from my cheek and turned over to seek refuge with Jordan from the sudden chill. I reached for him, but he wasn’t there. I opened my eyes. The bed was empty; the sheets cool to the touch. 

Confused, I propped up on my elbow and searched the room. His clothes from the night before were carelessly tossed over the chair in the corner. The large dresser with the ornate mirror loomed ostentatiously across from the bed. Man, I wanted to get rid of that thing. 

The bathroom door was shut. I lay back down and strained to hear him. All was quiet. I stifled a yawn and rubbed my eyes. I reached my arm out again to Jordan’s side of the bed, but the soft, cool sheets that I had touched moments before were sticky and wet. What? Confused I sat up and stared at the dark, red blood covering my hand. 

“Jordan?” I shouted. I scrambled to the side of the bed, eyes glued to my trembling hand. I stood up to head for the door, but something didn’t feel right on my feet. I shrieked and jumped back into bed. I hesitantly peered over the edge of the bed unsure of what I would see. It felt familiar, yet out of place. 

Grass? There was grass on my bedroom floor. 

“Jordan?” I shouted again. I looked behind me at the pool of blood, where Jordan should have been, and slowly slid off the bed. My feet touched the cool, slightly damp grass, and I tore my eyes from the blood intending to find Jordan, but my room was no longer there. I was standing in a field. The sun was so bright it hurt my eyes. I squinted and propped my blood-free hand over my eyes to block the sun. I spun slowly trying to figure out where I was and what was happening.  The bed was gone. The room was gone. Jordan was gone. I felt the devastation of that knowledge settle over me and took several steps backward. My chest hurt.

“I warned you,” a voice boomed from nowhere and everywhere, startling me.

“What? What do you mean? Who is this?” I searched for the source of the voice.

“I warned you,” the voice repeated.

“Of what? Where is Jordan?”

“I warned you.”

“Stop saying that!” I screamed. “Jordan?”

“Ms. Everell?” The muffled voice of Sebastian, my stalker as I like to call him, sounded through my bedroom door.

 It took me a minute to orient myself. My heart pounded and I was hot. So very hot. I threw the covers off. “Yes, Sebastian. I’m fine.” Sebastian didn’t sound panicked this time. I guess he’d grown accustomed to my nighttime outbursts.

“Are you sure, Princess?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I’m sure. Didn’t we talk about calling me that?” I climbed out of bed and headed for the attached bathroom kicking the small pile of white pillows I had stacked there the night before. The cool marble floor felt refreshing and startling at the same time.

      “Yes…but I thought we agreed you liked ‘Princess’ better than ‘Your Highness’?”

      “Well, yeah,” I hollered, while searching through the sink drawer for my toothpaste, “but I like Natalie even better.”

      “It just isn’t going to happen, Princess.” 

      “You are impossible.” 

      “I’ve been told that before,” Sebastian chuckled. “Are you up for good or heading back to bed?”

      “I’m up,” I mumbled through a mouth full of toothpaste. I finished brushing my teeth and slowly walked to the shower. I opened the glass door and reached for the faucet. As I did the image of the blood on my hand flashed briefly in my mind. I suppressed a shiver and turned the water on hoping to wash away this overwhelming feeling of doom that seemed to have taken up residence in my soul.

      I finished showering but didn’t feel any better. I found some clothes to wear and brushed my hair, all the while involuntarily replaying the dream through my mind over and over again. 

      I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and put some eyeliner and mascara on. I didn’t feel like much else. My parents told me to pretend my security detail wasn’t around and live normally, whatever that means, but I hadn’t been able to do it. Walking around with wet hair and no makeup didn’t seem to be a part of my life anymore. And, honestly, it wasn’t just the constantly hovering security. I felt gawked at and scrutinized at all times…as if the Kingdom was watching for any imperfection they could find. 

      But, that was a small price to pay to be with Jordan. It had been almost a month since he proposed. I still can’t think about that night and not be overcome with emotion. I thought my life was no longer going to be my own, resulting in me sacrificing almost everything, but most importantly love. I would have done it, but I’m sure grateful I didn’t have to. Yes. I will gladly run a Kingdom and be surrounded by security the rest of my life to have Jordan by my side.

      “Well, that will have to do,” I said to no one as I rubbed the dark circles under my eyes. With a deep sigh, I clicked the light and quickly made my bed. After I retrieved the last of the toppled, white pillows that had somehow made it almost halfway under the bed—maybe I should have been a soccer player—I opened my bedroom door. 

      “Sebastian, would you like some breakfast this morning?” 

      “Ok, ok. That’s it. I draw the line at making breakfast for another man,” Jordan replied. He was sitting on the sofa, feet crossed on the coffee table in front of him with one hand in his pocket and one tucked under his head, looking absolutely adorable.

      “Well, if you would stand outside my door day and night, I would make you some, too,” I said, hand on my hip.

      Jordan stood and walked toward me, eyebrow raised, “Yeah, but then you’d call mea stalker and probably press charges and that would really put a damper on our engagement.” 

      “Valid point,” I replied lifting my arms around his neck as he wrapped his around my waist. He gently kissed me. “What are you doing here so early?” I asked, the joking tone gone.

      “Sebastian called. Don’t be mad. We are all worried about you.” He led me to the sofa and we sat down next to one another. I lifted his arm around me and curled up next to him, my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and breathed him in hoping to memorize his smell, the weight of his arms around my body and the way he leaned his head against mine.

      “He said it seemed especially bad this time.” Jordan lifted my chin and I shifted slightly to look at him. I shrugged not trusting my voice. “Nat, you can talk to me. You know that, right?”

      “Of course I do.” I ran my fingers over his stubble. “But, there isn’t much to tell. I don’t remember my dreams. I just wake up terrified.” I felt a tinge of guilt lying to him, but I couldn’t say the words out loud. I couldn’t.

      “Nothing at all?” 

      He could see right through me. I lowered my head resting again on his chest. “Nothing.”

      “Natalie, I can help you. Please let me. Talk to me and we can—”

      “Really, Jordan. I don’t know what to say. I’m sure they will stop as soon as we are married.” I sat up and put a smile on my face trying my best to shove the dream as far back in my mind as it was possible to go. “I think having you next to me is all I need.” I leaned in and kissed him. “I’m sorry you are up so early. But, since you are here, do you want to talk about your family?”

      “Nope.” He stood and headed for the kitchen. “How about that breakfast. I still feel a little jealous over the whole making breakfast for another manand I think you should make it up to me.”

      “Ok, but I’m saving the steak and eggs for Sebastian.” 

      He turned to face me, hand over his heart, feigning pain. “That stings, Natalie. Stings.”

      I laughed out loud happy to have the air around us feel a little lighter. We giggled as we made what were supposed to be eggs in a basket, but our eggs did not want to stay in our bread basket. We ate them all anyway. 

      “Seriously, Natalie! How can two people make such a gigantic mess?” Jordan said staring at the kitchen. 

      “That is a really good question!” I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder taking in the disaster. I kissed his shoulder and sat back up. “I got this. You better get going. You’re already late and I can’t imagine the Prince is going to be too happy about that.”

      “The Prince is just as worried about you as I am.”

      “Pfsst. You guys worry way too much.” I grabbed our plates and took them to the kitchen. 

      “Maybe. But shutting us out isn’t going to help.” 

      “I’m not. I’m ok.” The dark feelings from my dream were creeping back in and I shook my head slightly. “Really.” I didn’t sound convincing, even to myself.  

      Jordan remained quiet as I scraped and rinsed the dishes loading them into the dishwasher. I was careful to keep my back to him, frustrated our enjoyable breakfast was looking like it was going to end with me right back where Jordan found me. He made it easy to forget the fear and anxiety the dreams left me with. That was the reason I was sure they would stop after we were married. If only we could hurry that up.

      “Jordan,” I said turning to face him leaning against the counter, “we do need to talk about something.” 

      Jordan leaned his elbows on the counter looking hopeful. “Anything. What is it?” 

      “I want to get married as soon as possible.” 

      His head dropped and he let out a breath. “I know where you are going with this and I’m doing the best I can, Natalie.” He stood and headed to the living room.

      “I know you don’t want to face him. I am trying to understand that, but, I want to marry you yesterday, but we can’t until your dad—”

      “I know Natalie,” Jordan interrupted grabbing his pen off the coffee table. “I know he needs to come forward and present me to King Everell.”  He tucked the pen in his pocket. “I’m well aware of the law, Nats,” he added a little more softly.

      I grabbed the kitchen towel off my shoulder and tossed it on the counter. I crossed the room and stood in front of him and reached for his hand. “Wouldn’t it be better to just get it over with?”

      “For me, sure.” He ran his free hand through his hair. “It’s not just about me, though. My father left and never even looked back. We were disposable to him. How do I ask my mom to stand there with him and his new wife in front of the entire Kingdom? How do I ask my sisters to stand there with him and his replacement family?” 

      I wanted to tell him I understood, but we both knew I didn’t. I nodded instead and squeezed his hand. “Are you sure there is no other way? King Everell won’t budge on this?” He shook his head. “Why is it soimportant? It makes no sense to me.”

      “It’s tradition. Essentials are all about their traditions. When a member of a royal family marries someone who is not royal there is a ceremony that must be done. And probably more importantly, the King is worried there is still too much unrest and disbelief that we amalgamated and this is another opportunity to reassure our Kingdom and those around us.” 

      “So,” I said not knowing how to phrase what I wanted to say without sounding like an insensitive brat, “what do we do then? Our alternative is to wait 5 years, Jordan.” He looked down at our hands. I leaned in trying to get him to look at me. “5 years.”

      “Is that so terrible?” 

      My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t help it. “What?”

      “We would still be together, Natalie. It’s not like we would never see each other. We manage pretty well right now, right?”

      “Jordan, you can’t be serious? You want us to wait 5 years to start our life together?”

      “No,” he said dropping my hand and turning away from me. “It’s not what I want!” he said forcefully. “I want to spend every second with you. I want to give you my last name and put a ring on your finger and move into that absurdly large castle they are renovating for us.” He turned so quickly he startled me. He took a step toward me and pulled me close resting his forehead against mine. “I want to look into your eyes and kiss you, goodnight each and every night. I want to go grocery shopping with you and fight over who has to clean the bathroom this week. I want you to be the first thing I see when we wake up in the morning.” He kissed me and in that kiss, I felt his desperation and his torment. My heart broke for him and my anger towards his father grew.

      “I’m sorry, Jordan,” I said barely above a whisper. “I know I can’t possibly understand, but I am here for you. I won’t push you and I will do my best to accept your decisions.” He wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb resting his hands on the side of my face. He kissed me again, tenderly this time. I hugged him tightly wishing we could stay right there forever…for both our sakes.

      “I’ll figure this out, Natalie. I just need a little more time.” I nodded not trusting my voice. I really did believe my nightmares would stop when I could sleep next to him. No, I didn’t believe it. I knewit. While I wanted to be understanding and supportive, the thought of more nightmares almost seemed unbearable. I was beyond exhausted. I immediately regretted telling him I’d be patient.

      Jordan led us to the door, but before he opened it, he turned again searching my eyes. I am convinced that man can read my mind.

      “You know,” he said softly, “I have some research I need to do. I can work on it here. It’s Friday, so you don’t have any classes. You could sleep.”

      I thought for a moment. “Will you wake me before you leave?” 

      “Promise.”

      “And you’re sure it won’t mess up your workday too much?” 

      He led me to the couch and gently pushed on my shoulders. I plopped down and he headed toward my room. “Not at all. I can work just as well here as anywhere,” he said over his shoulder. “Well,” he added after he came back in carrying the afghan my mom crocheted for me years ago and my pillow, “at least when you are asleep. When you’re awake you are quite the distraction!” 

      I smiled as I lay down on the sofa and he draped the blanket over me. I loved that blanket. It was like a piece of my mom was always with me. Even when she was hundreds of miles away. 

      I could barely keep my eyes open. I hadn’t slept more than a couple hours at a time since the dreams started a week and a half ago, except when I had dozed off accidentally when I was with Jordan. With him near, I slept like a baby. A dreamless, content baby. That’s what I needed. Jordan. 

      Jordan grabbed his bag and pulled out his laptop. He sat down on the other end of the sofa and pulled my feet onto his lap. He pulled off my socks and gently began tickling my feet. Sounds completely weird I know, but when done properly, it is heaven. For as long as I can remember my mom and I have tickled feet. It runs in our family, she always says. I’ll never forget the first time Jordan walked into the room to find me and my mom sitting with our chairs pulled close, one leg of mine propped on her, her leg propped on me, pencils in hand tickling each other’s feet. His face! Mom and I giggled and offered to include him. He has yet to take us up on that offer. 

      “Jordan?” I yawned.

      “Hmmm?” he asked, eyes still focused on his laptop.

      “We will never fight about the bathroom. Obviously, you’ll be doing them. I am, as you know, a princess.” Jordan’s laughter chased my worries away and I quickly fell into the welcome arms of sleep. 

      I woke with a start.

      “It’s ok.” A warm hand on my leg calmed my beating heart, “I’m right here.”

      “Thanks for not leaving.” I sat up rubbing my eyes. “What time is it?”

      “Umm,” Jordan said looking at his watch, “12:10.” 

      “Haha. Very funny. What time is it really?” 

      “Seriously. It’s 12:10. Wait, you’re right. I lied. It’s 12:11.” He stretched and closed his laptop.

      “Oh, Jordan. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to sleep that long.” Truthfully I couldn’t believe I had slept that long. That meant I had a 7-hour stretch of sleep without a dream. Not one. 

      “Don’t be sorry. You needed it.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “I’m starving. Want to go to lunch?”

      “Sure. I think I’m hungry, too.” I absentmindedly placed a hand on my stomach.

      “Good. Julia is waiting. She texted a bunch of times. I finally told her you would call her when you woke up.”

      I playfully slapped him. “I thought you meant with yousilly!” 

      “It’s Friday. Julia gets you Friday. It’s in the custody agreement.” 

      I gently hit my head with my palm. “Oh yeah. That’s right. You two and your custody agreement.”

      He stood and began packing up. “I need to get some things done anyway. Can I take you to dinner?” 

      “I’d really like that.”

      Jordan flicked his wrist and the pen and notepad that had been on the coffee table lifted through the air tucking gently into his messenger bag. Another flick and it zipped and flew to his outstretched hand. “I’ll call you later, okay?” 

      I nodded and walked the short distance to the door. I flicked my wrist, unlocked the bolt and opened the door. The door swung too fast slamming into the wall. “Oops,” I shrugged. 

      Jordan laughed. “You’re getting better!” He quickly bent and kissed my cheek. “I’ll call you in a few hours. I love you.”

      “Love you, too.” I watched him until he turned the corner out of view. With a sigh, I turned to find Sebastian looking at me with one eyebrow raised. “What?”

      “You know what, Princess.” He smiled.

      I sheepishly peeked around the corner at the wall I had flung the door into and let out a sigh. “Nope! You’re make-shift door stop held this time. There will be no plastering in your near future,” I replied triumphantly. Sebastian feigned shock with his mouth open and hand over his heart. “Very funny.” I did my best to shoot him a dirty look, but he just laughed.

      “Is there anything you need, Princess?” 

      “Yes. For you to call me Natalie.” Sebastian’s watch dinged and he pointed down the hallway to the Essential with him. The Essential nodded and quickly walked down the hallway and turned the corner.

      “Done. Anything else, Princess Natalie?” 

      I groaned and walked into my quarters. “I’ll be meeting Julia for lunch soon. I’ll text you the details,” I said with a smirk, over my shoulder.

      “Now you are just pushing my numbers!” Sebastian said as I flicked my wrist closing the door again with a loud bang. I winced. Sebastian hadn’t spent much time in the Ordinary world and when he had, he certainly wasn’t a fan of Ordinary technology. He is the head of my security detail and it didn’t take long for me to absolutely adore him. He takes his job very seriously and makes me feel safe. And, I really feel like he likes me. Like I’m not just a job to him. He has become my friend. Because I do spend time in and out of the Ordinary world some of that technology has become necessary and that included a cell phone. He hates that thing.

      “Buttons. Sebastian. I’m pushing your buttons,” I smiled and hollered through the door.

The Time Between - COMING AUGUST 6, 2018

Finally! I was extra indecisive when choosing the name and cover for the LAST book in THE ORDINARY SERIES. Each book has a level of expectations to meet (or hopefully exceed!). Maybe I got in my head a bit this time, but with each book, the level gets a bit bigger. This was no exception. I mean come on! It's the last book. You want to LOVE the last book. It needs to leave you feeling like reading the series was totally worth it! I've wanted each and every part of it to be just what I envisioned it to be...especially the cover and the title. I'm so happy with both!

Drumroll, please! Ok, we don't really need a drumroll. I mean it's right there!

AND did you notice the title? Love it! I think it fits the book so well.

I have more news! The release date is set! (Should I have a release date party??)

AUGUST 6, 2018!!

You can preorder an ebook copy now if you'd like. It will be delivered on August 6th. Paperback will be available on August 6th. Also, if you'd like BOTH versions, wait to order until the 6th. You will then be able to order a paperback at regular price and an ebook version for .99! If this doesn't make sense, let me know! I'll add a handy-dandy link to the side of my page when Amazon will let me. In the meantime, you can click on The Ordinary and then my name and you can find it.

Thank you all for all your support and excitement. I LOVE to write. You all loving what I write is beyond a dream for me. THANK YOU!

Perk or Curse?

I'm not sure the kids have figured it out yet, but I have learned if you want a "yes" from my husband,  wait for him to be huddled over a pile of papers to grade and go in for the kill. Do you want to go_______? He will drop that pen so fast you will wonder if he ever had it in his hand. Anything to get out of grading. It's pretty awesome. Want to go to the park? Yep. Want to clean the bathroom? Yep. He loves his job. He loves lecturing. He loves working with the students. He loves it all. All except the grading. I tell him every job has to have at least one downside--this is his.

A few weeks ago, he was deep in the end-of-semester-crazy, as we like to call it. He was up to his ears in papers to grade, worried students to console and diet coke. Okay, he's always up to his ears in diet coke. This time of the semester may be the exception to the above rule. Deadlines loom and have to be met. He keeps his head down and sometimes doesn't even hear our want to requests (noise canceling headphones in place!). So, when he asked for my manuscript I was kind of surprised. I thought he'd want to wait until his plate cleared a smidgen...even though he'd do just about anything to get out of grading. "Are you sure?" I questioned at least a dozen times. He was sure. He sent me this picture. He was hiding out at Hardee's reading and enjoying some non-grading time.

I worry though, is being married to the author and getting first dibs at the manuscript a perk or a curse? I guess we'll have to ask him. Either way, I'm super grateful for his excitement, enthusiasm, and expertise. I'm one lucky girl. Thanks Kim!

Guess What I Just Did?

The third and final book in The Ordinary Series is DONE! Well, except for the editing. For now, I've traded my laptop for THIS. The editing has begun!

Coming this summer! Check back for updates.

And, just because you've all been on my mind lately...thank you! Thank you for supporting and encouraging me. Thank you for taking this journey with me. I appreciate you!

With love,

Karen

Courtney's Reads Author Interview

A couple weeks ago Courtney, over on Courtney's Reads, contacted me and asked if I'd like to do an interview on her blog. Um, yes, please! It was fun answering her questions and sharing some of the goings on in my brain! So much fun! Click here to check it out. Thanks Courtney!

On another note...sort of...Courtney is an avid reader, reviewer, AND author. You can check out her Worlds with Ruby here!

Here We Go Again

When my oldest was a toddler, my friends would give me a really hard time because I followed that kid everywhere. As a new mom, I already had a couple suitcases of baggage. I had the normal new mom suitcase, plus adoptive mom suitcase and the most painful one of all, the broken-hearted mom suitcase.

For me, the new mom suitcase carried my insecurities and learning curve. I was figuring everything out and second guessing everything I did. To be fair, mine was probably bigger than most.

The adoptive mom suitcase held a higher standard. You said you could do this better than most. I not only felt accountable to my Heavenly Father for my parenting choices but also to this amazing birthmom who trusted me to do something she, at the time, couldn't do. No pressure.

The broken-hearted mom suitcase is where I tucked those devastating moments when I found out the baby we had longed for, and fought infertility for, would not survive after birth. It's where I held the undeserved blame I placed on myself...I missed taking prenatal vitamins sometimes and I didn't eat balanced meals when I was so morning sick, and I...blame, blame, blame. It's where I placed the memory of my empty arms that physically ached as they wheeled me out of the hospital. It's where I shoved the moment we had to say goodbye and place his little body in that tiny casket. It's where I shoved the huge part of me that never, ever wants to lose another child. That bag was cram-packed full.

See. Baggage. When that little toddler of mine would fall, he fell hard and there was usually blood. He rarely caught himself with his hands. It was traumatic for him and for me. So, I followed him and took flack for it. I wished I could say I didn't care. I did. But, it didn't change anything. He was my priority.

Fast forward five years. Kaleb is in Kindergarten and that spirited little boy was giving his teacher all kinds of trouble. That's where the label started...he probably has ADHD. I remember one day he was sitting at the dining room table. We were in a homework battle. I'm sure I was losing. He got this weird look on his face. A blank stare. Like the life behind his eyes was switched off.

     "Kaleb." No response "Kaleb," I said a little louder. No response. "Kaleb," louder still.
     "What?" he said.
     "What were you thinking just now?"
     "I don't know."

That was the day I pushed that momma warning...that intuition...that prompting aside. You are a helicopter mom. He's fine. Get. A. Grip. I felt something was wrong and I talked myself right out of it. Besides, he had ADHD. We always called his name several times before he listened. Right?

Before I knew it, that kid was about to start middle school. It really went that fast...well, and painfully slow, actually. School was rough for him. It was rough for me, too. I dreaded the phone ringing or a new email. Something was always wrong. He was always in trouble. But, now here we were, about to embark on a new adventure (that truthfully, I knew was going to be filled with disasters as well, but I was hoping somehow the changing schedules and teachers would be a good thing...insert eye roll here.)

...Now, let me interject right here. I love teachers. I love everything they do. Everything they are about. I really believe they are asked to do the impossible. Sometimes public school doesn't work for a kid. It's not the teacher's fault. It's not the kid's fault. It's not the parent's fault. It's just not what is best. End. of. story.

Ok, back to middle school back to school night. We walked up to the Principal who was welcoming everyone. Kaleb and I both shook his hand. The Principal asked if he was excited and he didn't answer. My new found southern manners kicked in and I opened my mouth to prod him to be polite and answer the man, but when I looked at him, I knew something was wrong. His eyes were fluttering slightly.
    "Kaleb?" No response. "Kaleb?" Again no response. "Kaleb?" He didn't respond but walked off. Just walked right away into the crowd. I called his name louder. He turned, confused, and walked back. He stuck his hand out to the Principal to shake his hand, again. I knew something was wrong. The Principal didn't acknowledge the moment at all. He moved on to the next child. I wondered if I'd imagined it. However, this time, I listened to that something is wrong prompting.

I called our pediatrician the next day. I should back up for a moment. In my life, I have felt Heavenly Father's hand continually. One way is through people put in my path. When we lost our son, years before we had been blessed to know two families who had lost children and they were such a help to us. When we decide to adopt, the same thing. People were put in our path who helped us so much with the process. Those are just two examples of many! So, when we found out our new high councilman (clergy in our church) was a pediatric neurosurgeon, I literally turned to my husband and said, "I sure hope that man wasn't put in our path because we are going to need him." Tender mercies. After our visit with our pediatrician and she suspected seizures, we called our high councilman/pediatric neurosurgeon. He recommended a neurologist and read our first EEG for us. He calmed our nerves and pointed us in the right direction to get him the help he needed. Tender mercies.

Kaleb was diagnosed with childhood-onset absence seizures. What that meant was his brain would pause multiple times a day for ten seconds or so and then unpause. Some people call them staring seizures. They are so hard to see. So hard. They do not cause brain damage and medication was recommended mainly for quality of life. Imagine trying to learn a new math concept and skipping ten seconds of the teacher's instructions every now and again. The great news was he would most likely outgrow them.

He was on medication for two years. At his two year appointment, our neurologist recommended suspending meds to see what happened. Kids usually outgrew these types of seizures. It was a good time to try...he wasn't driving yet etc. We stopped the meds and for two and a half years we didn't see another seizure.

But, one evening he began acting really strange. He wouldn't answer us and seemed out of it. He had been sick and we even wondered if maybe he had accidentally taken too many cold pills or something. At one point, I was pretty sure I'd seen an absence seizure, but it looked different than they had before...something wasn't right. It was after 5:00 so our choices were after-hours care or the ER. We figured both places would tell us to call his neuro. So, we decided to take him to his youth activity that night and see how he interacted with his friends and call the neuro first thing in the morning.

We didn't make it to youth, though. He went to get in the car, socks in hand but no shoes.

     "Kaleb. You need your shoes. Get your shoes."

He turned and went back in the house to the shoe cubbies just inside the garage door. I went to put my stuff in the car. A scream from the kitchen, my husband yelling and crashing stopped me in my tracks. I ran into the house to find Kaleb having a tonic-clonic seizure. The Lord has said, "If ye are prepared ye shall not fear" (D&C 38:30). I knew what to do. I had read everything that came my way when he was first diagnosed. That knowledge kicked in.

I turned him on his side and told my husband to time it. I knew time was important. But, this seizure was so much more than I had anticipated. I'll never forget the expression on his face. And, he seemed like he was really struggling to breathe. I began to panic. "Call 911," I shouted. I knew to turn him on his side and clear the area. I did not know what to do if he stopped breathing. Well, maybe I did, but I didn't feel like I did. We had been CPR certified three times for our three adoptions...having someone on the line who knew what to do sounded really good at that moment.

We think his seizure lasted around five minutes. Maybe less because the seizure stops when their body stops jerking (the clonic part of the seizure) although he still seemed to struggle to breathe longer than that...it was a bit of a blur. A terrifying blur. The best paramedics in Lancaster county came a thousand years later (I'm sure it was much sooner than that!). It was all I could do to keep it together when they walked through the door. I didn't have to keep it together. They were here to be the brains. I could grieve what just happened to my son, right? Deep breaths. I held it together.

My sweet girls obeyed my commands during all of this as well. "Open the front door. Move the shoes out of the way. Turn on the porch light. Direct the ambulance to our house. Take your sister in the other room." They obeyed and were so much help. They got shoes for Kaleb, packed my phone and charger in my purse and had everything ready for me when it was time to leave with Kaleb in the ambulance. They crumbled in their daddy's arms when we left. They held it together and then grieved what happened to their brother. Warriors come in tiny bodies.

Three hours later we were all back home. That sweet boy of mine was back. He was sleepy but wanted to be near me. Although he doesn't remember anything, that in itself was traumatic for him. Losing time brought a vulnerability he didn't know how to process.

Soon we had everyone tucked in and then I lost it. My husband and I held one another and cried. We know Kaleb will be fine. We know so many epilepsy warriors fight so much more every single day. We pray for you every single day. You are amazing. So many deal with so much more. Warriors.

We've had an EEG and an MRI. We have another appointment with our neurologist in a week. He's on medication and we haven't seen any absence seizures and he hasn't had another tonic-clonic. Thank goodness. Life is different though. We worry. Every day he feels a little more confident. That pre-tonic-clonic kid is coming back, leaving the clingy, vulnerable one behind. I'm so glad he's feeling better, but kind of miss that clingy kid. He was easier to keep an eye on. He didn't want to be left home while I picked up his sisters from school. This one does.

As his parents though, we keep replaying that night over and over again when we close our eyes at night or peek in on him sleeping. When I sweep the floor in the kitchen where he fell or put shoes in the cubby my mind goes there. My heart goes there and I wish it wouldn't.

On another note, I took a picture of Kaleb in the ambulance. I knew he was pretty out of it and would most likely not remember and what 15-year-old kid doesn't want some sort of memory of his first ambulance ride? I knew mine would at least. The next day when we were filling a prescription I couldn't fill the night before, we saw an ambulance.  "I feel like we should wave, Kaleb. Like we are friends now." He agreed. Now we wave.

Here we go again.

Girl Smarts

There is a character in The Ordinary who is witty, fearless, and sure of who she is. She makes her debut partway through The Ordinary. She doesn't play a huge role in book one or book two, but she's pretty center stage in book three (still working on #3!). She's kind of who I'd like to be, in a way. I'm talking about Ky, Jordan's sister.  I admire Ky in so many ways, but the way Ky doesn't let fear hold her back is definitely what I admire the most. I tend to sit right in the middle of fear. Paralized and crying! Haha.

Now I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, Kyleigh. She is almost twelve (four more days, actually!) and she is fierce! We call her Ky a lot. Made a connection yet? Ky was born from this little lady right here. She stands up to her brother even though he can be intimidating at times. She's quick to forgive, easy to love and is a terrific friend. And she is fearless. She isn't afraid to be who she is regardless of the circumstance. She's awesome.

This is her first year in middle school. She's a social little gal and I was kind of surprised she hadn't found a club or group to join. But, right before Christmas, she informed us she wanted to join the Academic Challenge Team. The what now? We'd never heard of that. At first, she wasn't really sure either. We didn't get much information out of her except they push buzzers and answer questions. Before long, we were able to attend her first meet and got to see first hand what exactly the Academic Challenge Team was. We. are. impressed.

Have you seen The Chase? If not, google it and then come on back. It might be awhile because it's a pretty addicting show. It's okay. I understand. The Academic Challenge is kind of like that except without the Beast. And the chasing. The team who answers the most questions correctly wins. I could never, ever, EVER join this team. My brain would freeze and I would be dead weight. Dead, I say. 

Kyleigh, on the other hand, it's like she doesn't know she's supposed to be scared. She doesn't know it may be embarrassing to get the question wrong (which it's not. My brain would tell me it would be!). Our Ky started the first meet as the team captain and has been the entire time. No one else will do it. See. They know fear. 

I'm not just saying this because she's my daughter, but that girl carries the team. I love her little teammates and wish I could help them have Kyleigh's confidence. They got this! They just don't know it yet! 

Their last meet was yesterday and there were only three of them there. Normally, each grade level is separated into different rooms to compete but because of the flu epidemic, they were short staffed. They announced they would all compete in the same room and take turns. Sixth grade was up first. My fear swelled for her! If she noticed my wide eyes as she stood to take her place at the table, she sure didn't notice. She didn't seem intimidated by that packed cafeteria at all. She killed it in the first two rounds, which is the team challenge. They all discuss the question and she gives the answer (because she's the team captain). The last two rounds are the buzzer round and the other team had a really fast buzzer pusher. That kid was fast I tell you! 

Ultimately, they lost this round, but she was recognized as our team's high scorer. She didn't gloat or even tell her dad when we got home. She's humble, too.

As Ky's (Jordan's sister) character progresses, she may have some fear. She's up for a challenge and I'm anxious to see how she handles it all. More on that later! In the meantime, I'll keep watching my fearless girl and all her girl smarts and hopefully gleen some from her.

Happy Anniversary!

It's late. Well, technically it's early, I guess. Our house has been hit by a nasty bug and I'm on watch tonight. Our oldest had/has (I never know if since he's still a child I can say had) childhood onset absence seizures. He hasn't had a seizure for a few years now, but I don't mess with fevers. They lower the threshold and make having one more likely. In ten more minutes, I can check him and give him more meds to make sure that fever stays down.

I turned to facebook to entertain my weary eyes and clicked on, on this day. I love that little facebook gem. I'll take that walk down memory lane every day. Thank you very much. Today's caught me off guard a bit. Memories definitely flooded over me and I began writing a facebook post about it. I realized quickly that it was turning into a very, very long post and decided it should be on the blog instead.

A year ago today, I did the hardest thing I'd done in a long time and clicked the publish button on Amazon making The Ordinary available to all. Almost a year before, I began writing it to pass the time while waiting for my son to do his homeschool work. See, that firecracker, amazing kid of mine needed me to be close by. Laundry and housework had to wait until he was finished and one can only plan and grade so much. I was bored. So, I did something my husband continually encouraged me to do. I began to write. One page turned into ten. Ten to thirty. Pretty soon I wasn't just writing while Kaleb worked. I wrote every chance I got. It was so. much. fun. My husband would say, "I'm taking the kids. Go write." And I did. And I loved it.

I, however, had no intention of ever showing that creation of mine to another soul...well, besides my husband! My husband read it as I went and encouraged me, but, he's my husband. He loves me. He never criticizes me and thinks everything I do is amazing. I'm not exaggerating. Really. I love him and his support, but I didn't believe him. I really wanted to. But, remember, I called this The Ordinary for a reason. I felt extraordinarily ordinary. I felt beyond ordinary. I couldn't see past that.

The day I finished it was amazing and so anticlimactic all at once. I typed the end, pushed my chair back and stood up. My hands shot in the air and I exclaimed to my empty house, "I did it!" I quickly texted my husband and that was that.

I spent the next few months editing it. My middle daughter wanted to read it, so I handed her the latest, marked up, edited version. I had gone through it once again and was putting the corrections in the computer. I gave her the first couple chapters and off she went. She came back not long after and said, "I can't read this with all your writing on there!" That was the start of something amazing. I read it to her and watched Natalie's journey come to life in one of my favorite people's eyes. She would come home from school and beg me to read it to her. She'd give me pointers, like Essentials and Ordinaries should be able to have Essential babies. :) And at night when it was time to tuck in, she would beg for just one more chapter. It. was. awesome.

It put me in a bit of a pickle, though. We were about 3/4 of the way through and my mom was coming for a visit. I live 2,000 miles away from family so they were none the wiser. I knew Kyleigh was going to ask me to read it to her and my little secret would be out.

We took the kids to Universal Studios that year for Christmas. We surprised them with the trip and also with my mom coming with us. She came out to the car with me to help bring a few things into the hotel. As we walked in, I said the words. "Hey, I wrote a book." She looked at me and asked what I meant. I tipped my folder holding the 200+ manuscript in her direction and said it again. "I wrote a book."

Her reaction was beyond amazing. She didn't care what it was. She was just so impressed I'd written it. Before she left, she asked to read it. I told her she didn't have to. I knew it was a genre she didn't necessarily like, but she really wanted to. The morning of her flight, I quickly printed it and she tucked it in her suitcase.

After that, I told a few more people. Five total. I looked into Kindle Direct Publishing because it was an easy way to get it to those five people who lived across the USA from me. I was going to put it up for free, but my sister said she wanted to be the first person to buy my book! Thanks, Vickie! So, after looking at the button for what felt like an eternity, I clicked publish. 

Look! There it is!

My husband had been on a business trip and returned home that day. We picked him up at the airport and stopped for dinner on the way home. As we sat there, I received a text from my sister that my book was live on Amazon! I can't tell you what I was feeling. It was a jumble of good and bad emotions I'm still sorting through. My husband declared he was going to post it to facebook and I wanted to die right there. All three of my babies looked at me waiting for my response. Had it been he and I, I would have told him no way. But, how could I say no with them watching? I want them to be fearless. I needed to be fearless. So I nodded and fought the urge to throw up. I didn't sleep well for the next two weeks. Seriously. I have never felt so vulnerable in my life. I hadn't realized how good I was at sitting on the comfortable side of fear.

What happened next was really pretty amazing. So many friends and family responded with surprise and support. So many people bought my book! I couldn't believe it. And the kind words and great reviews that followed buoyed me up and pushed me to do more.

One thing this journey has taught me is that kindness and support doesn't always happen. Truth be told I've been pretty surprised at some who have been radio silent. Those of you who stand in my corner and accept me, flaws, uploaded rough draft and all, I truly love and appreciate all of you.

I feel the love and am so very grateful!

Seriously! Thank you!

This next picture is just because I need to prove to you all that I do know a thing or two about grammar...despite my rough draft upload and editing blinders! You know. Because facebook tests are real. Muh-ah! Love you!